I feel that when I run no one can stop me nor catch me. I feel like Im in a world or zone that gives me complete control of my destiny or where I want to go. I dont have people saying "Oh you should go to _____" or "Come with me to the ______". When I run I cause its the only thing I feel passionate of. Recently my running has make me find answers or lack there of and let me have some sense of control and give my head out of the reality of the world. Even when I listen to music while running I feel that I am in a zone that I can see no one and can only see the tunnel that is "the future" or to me it is becoming more of the tunnel that never ends. Some days I feel like that I want to run and to continue running untill my body completely stops running or untill I lose control of the running.
Running brings that sense of me pushing myself while running (that probably didnt make sense at all) it pushes me to the point that I must runner faster, fast enough that all the pain in the world leaves. The only problem is, that once I stop running, the pain comes back and it comes back worse. I feel like right now that college and life in general is this huge race and currently I feel like Im falling behind in the race and the only way to make it through is to run til I see the sunlight. I just wanna run till the pain goes away.
But at the end of the day.....the pain never leaves.
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Honestly, I understand what you're talking about. When you're running, there's this sense of your entire body working in tangent to accomplish a seemingly simple task. You keep moving, and your brain begins to loose all the thoughts, and as you speed up...you find yourself in this white hot room...where the world can be molded and shaped into something that is truly yours. It's this perfectly blissful moment. And when you stop running, your body seems to slow down. That perfect harmony slowly fades and your thoughts once again begin to encase your mind. Music can help shut them out, but without the running its simply noise over noise. The physical pains that running accomplishes, from the quick breaths, to the pain in your legs feels like its much needed. It makes you feel alive, where this emotional pain continues to tear you apart.
ReplyDeleteNothing seems together except when you're running. Everything else feels disjointed because that synchronous feeling you want is only accomplished when you're running. You can run through the physical pain. You can run away from that emotional pain, but you're right... It is not going to leave. It's still going to be there. Hell, if you keep running long enough you're going to find it right in front of you, and at that point you're not going to be able to run anymore. There are lots of issues and problems, but maybe the source isn't exactly what you think? Maybe the thing you're running away from...originates the problems instead of just being one of them? I don't know the inside of your mind, I just know the few issues we've talked about.
I hope you don't have to run forever, sooner or later you are in fact going to get tired.